This past summer my parents celebrated 40 years of marriage. To commemorate this joyous occasion I’ll be sharing a few lessons I’ve learned about marriage from their example. Marriage can be many things but it must have 3 foundational characteristics: Intentionality, Individualism, and Inspiration.
Let’s explore what each theme means to me about the union of husband and wife.
Intentional
Lesson one is to make your marriage a priority. Successful marriages don’t happen by accident. It takes persistent, grit, and in the famous words of Tim Gunn a “make it work” attitude. It’s a daily choice to live out the vows spoken before God and each other every day. Sometimes, with the business of life one’s marriage can be left last on the list for attention. To help keep first things first my husband and I have “Quality Control Checks”. It’s simply asking your spouse questions about how they feel about the state of your marriage. We commonly conduct check-ins in the car either on the way to dinner or a long drive. A few examples of questions we ask each other.
How would you rate our marriage on a 1-5 scale?
Am I fulfilling your expectation(s) of a spouse?
What can I do to make you feel like I value our marriage?
Where is an area I can improve in?
Please note the focus is not the response but rather the open discussion you’ll have as a couple of how to improve your marriage. This exercise for P and I builds confidence and security in our marriage as well as offers my husband and me a roadmap on how to improve without having to point fingers.
Individual
Lesson two is that your marriage is your marriage. Although, I appreciate the example my parents presented I can’t have their marriage because 1. I am not my mom and 2. P is not my dad. P and I are who we are and we must live out the truth that feels genuine to us. Often times comparison can be a major point on contention for many relationships when you’ll hear, “why can’t you be like _____?” or “______ would never do ____ this way”. I have been guilty of doing this early in my marriage and quickly had to realize I was doing more harm than good. Know from the beginning that your marriage will be the marriage you and your spouse work for. You will never have the marriage of your parents, friends, or celebrities and that is a true gift if you accept and embrace that reality. Plus, how exciting is it to know that you can design the exact marriage this is fulfilling to both you and your spouse.
Inspirational
Lesson 3 and most importantly is having your marriage anchored in Christ. Being is right relationship with God is in my opinion is step one. There is no way I could live without the guidance and love found in Jesus. Going into our 5th year of marriage my husband and I have had to cleave to the Word of God through both good and bad times. On this journey to oneness the grace of God is imperative to keep that train on the track and our hearts connected. When you and your spouse are one accord and move in unison you can do and face anything. Through prayer you and your spouse connect to the heart of God and through that connection He will strengthen your bond. Taking the time to reverence your connection with Christ through your marriage will enable you both to stand the test of time.
So there you have it 3 themes that have helped and will continue to help as I navigate this wonderful thing called marriage. Thanks to mom and dad for being godly examples and modeling a marriage of faith, love and friendship.
How healthy is your relationship?
Until next time, Jo
